So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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