I cockslap morals
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
