Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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