I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
