No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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