The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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