It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
