Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
