Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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