I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell