it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.