If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.