i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.