Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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