i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize