Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
