was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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