ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
