I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
