i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
