I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He passed out mid-signature
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
