i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
