So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
