there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
