My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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