beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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