I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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