he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
