Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
