yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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