I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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