Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
