How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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