At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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