new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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