Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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