I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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