the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she told me i tasted like america
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
