Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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