ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
