If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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