Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
