I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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