I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
