R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
