I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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