Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
