he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
