Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
