that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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