I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
