Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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