OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
