i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
