we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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