so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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