dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
