Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
