i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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