I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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