I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
