I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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