Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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