Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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