I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
