i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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