Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
